Joyce: Hello Mary, I have an important event tomorrow, would you help me cover my shift at work?
Mary: Ok, I will
Joyce: Thank you
Knock on the door
Mary: Who is it?
Chelsea: Hi Mary, it’s me, Chelsea, would you help me babysit Anthony, I have a very important deadline to meet.
Mary: I’m sorry Chelsea but I need to rest I have a very busy day tomorrow
Mary: Okay, I will just for today
Chelsea: Thanks, you are a darling
I remember when I could hardly say “no” to anyone’s request simply because I just wanted everyone to be happy. I wanted to please everyone until I realized that it was impossible. Nowadays, to maintain physical boundaries we put fences but how do we maintain other forms of boundaries and take control of our lives.
Generally, boundaries help define where you end and someone else begins. It comes from understanding your self-worth, getting to love yourself, finding something unique and special about you and creating a balance between yourself and those around you. It gives you the freedom to make choices and take control of your time and energy and investing it in the best possible way. It is usually created based on life experiences and different personalities.
In other for any relationship to be effective and beneficial, boundaries have to be set. when I say boundaries, do not see it as something strict and I don’t mean social distancing either, lolz. Believe it or not, we all have boundaries we have set both consciously and unconsciously. Boundaries are not just physical (space) but there are also emotional (feelings), spiritual (belief), psychological, and mental (opinions) boundaries
Before boundaries are set, you should
Know your limits:
You need to know who you are, what your limits are, what your values and beliefs are, what you can handle, and what makes you uncomfortable; which could be an instance or instances where your boundaries have been crossed not just physically but all round. Part of it lies in finding what your duty is and what it isn’t.
Communicate your boundaries:
While I might like to keep things private some people prefer publicity in scenarios like this, communicating boundaries is very important to grow a healthier relationship and helps with understanding. However, a defect in communication leaves the parties involved on different pages. I believe in talking about it when they arise. Not communicating your boundaries will only lead to hate and resentment.
Stick to it:
It’s easy to say “I do not like books on my table” and tomorrow we see them there. Creating boundaries is very easy but ensure that your words align with your actions. so while creating boundaries its best if you start small. While communication is key, action they say speaks louder than words.
Inasmuch as we have good boundaries we also have boundaries that are unhealthy, they are usually created in other to be in control. A lot of people set boundaries in certain aspects of their lives and end up readjusting them to accommodate other people. Readjusting to accommodate others can be really essential in certain instances so far as you feel comfortable with it.
Always remember no one has the right to make you uncomfortable